About Being Ready

Luz Cintron

Funny thing happened to me at work the other day.

A lady over 100 years old was sitting next to me. I love to sit with her and "chat" sometimes. There were other people with us, around the table, but she turned to me and told me... "I am ready to go with Him." She said that with a big bright smile. There was no depression about it but joy. Smiling still and turning her head to the others she continued, saying, " I am ready now. If He wants me, I go . " Then turning her head to me and lowering her voice she asked me; "Would go with me?" My heart leaped within me at that thought! What a brightful thought of hope! I felt tears rising up from the depths of my heart and had to fight to hold them back, to allow only a small "Oh Yes" come forth in their place.

I am ready.

Maybe this is not my time. Maybe I will live past 100 years, but today, I am ready. When she looked at me, our eyes were both filled with joy and laughter, many things were spoken without word in the blink of an eye. My Lord, I have never been so ready to gladly leave all behind. What a glorious day that would be if He chooses so. Maybe its not about leaving but about dying for Him, for His purpose even if it would be long slow death process of living day by day, past a hundred years. We are dead already. We are dead in Christ to all there is. We are dead in Him and alive in Him for His will and purpose, then nothing else matters, right? Not so fast, never easy.

Iniquity is something twisted out of shape, not straight, deformed. At least that is the way I see it in me. I have found, the deep corners in which all perversion hides in me, the latent and the manifested one. Its painful to live knowing that no matters what I may think sin abides, even if it is a footstool for His all sufficient grace. I cry because I am dying to die and be transformed, the pain of living is in the knowledge of my condition, the hope of walking through it is in the knowledge that He is faithful. He is faithful, what a gracious revelation of the heart of God in Christ Jesus!

One day, by His grace I will live a live in which I will cause no more pain, in which there will be no more shame, not even in the back of my conscious mind. The background noise of wounds will be silenced for ever because He will reach the throne of My soul and rest in me the glory of His presence.

Gracious Savior, what a price You have paid for such and insignificant one!

He created us such fragile creatures, so naive because our life was to be in trusting, and so we trusted wrong, out of our choice we did it, and death came in. We trusted lies and trusted so strongly that even now, we do not see. The image of God in us speaks of judgment and we know and we fear, that is our nature, twisted against us. Death is the way in which bondage is broken off forever. Why fear chastisement, death as the wages of sin if He has paid it off? Because the sense of justice is deeply engrained in us, creatures created in His image and we know what we fear to see, that there is no mercy without judgment and the peace of justice can never be established with out judgment, just judgment. Who can stand in the day of the Lord?, said the prophet. We all know that, we live fearing that because we know, consciously or subconsciously that is a test we cannot pass. We know He paid the price but we still fear and that is why it is so hard for us to see, in other words to come to the light. Light will kill that fear in us if only we allow it but the way is revealed as a process of humbling rejection and pain. Death now is a tool of liberation for to us who believe, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Yes, I am ready in the knowledge that all my efforts will amount to nothing, in getting rid of sin in me. I am ready in the knowledge that my best is defiled through and it truly doesn't matter how hard and how long I try, I remain a stinking mess only acceptable into the Holy of Holies, through the burning incense of the life of Christ.

Who do I impress with my own delusions? No one but me. He sees me as I am. He knows me through... He still loves me, not because He has that kind of love, but because He is love, perfect and revealed.

I wish I could lay down all my tools and weapons of fear and mistrust that sin, my own and the sins of others, have engrained in my soul, at once. All those iniquities, that I know and perceive in me and even those whoI am not aware of. For all is pride, and pride is sin, not in front, not around, but within. What a beautiful thought is the cross emerging in the midst like a light house of hope, ready to guide me in the only path where freedom awaits... through the valley of shadow of death. Oh death! where is your sting? Oh grave; where is your victory?

The weapon of destruction that Satan wielded against us, have been turned into His messengers, of peace, of life and of glory. For the wages of sin were death and that was his agenda to use the Justice of God to kill His creation. Still, the Sovereignty of God has been revealed, hanging from the cross, dying to bring forth a gospel, that peace has been established and the price has been paid in full. No more fear. Justice has been satisfied and the root of fear broken, if we embrace His death and follow Him in trust. That was our call from the beginning, trust. That is were iniquity is hidden in plain sight, only to us, for He sees. That we are crippled by fear and so it is hard for us to allow ourselves to "see" but in seeing we are delivered. To see knowing the Truth and the Truth that sets us free. That deliverance is free to grab, only through trust, but trust, to emerge in us, has to break the old shell of sin, that is fear rooted in pride. We hate to see or be seen as we are, naked, but truth is, we were created naked, both physically and spiritually, because our nakedness was to be covered with the indwelling glory of God; a footstoll and a shield, a footstoll for His glory and shield from pride. We are naive in nature because we were created, in and, for the inocense of faith. Are we willing to be naked? Oh what a painful thought to the fearfull soul that is! My own! Still what a deep desire longs in my to embrace it and be free.

Even so, Maranatha!

luz